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2021 in review
Alright so, a combined inspiration of ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brillando’s annual year in review post, and you know, regular old tumblr hijinks that make fandom people go “hmmm”, I thought I would dust this baby off.
Year two of a pandemic has come and gone. And while through much of it I felt very stagnant, a lot has happened!
My partner, H, who has been struggling with an undiagnosed chronic illness, is finally finally finally doing incredibly well. It came on very suddenly, back in 2018, and he was spending something like 20+ hours in bed a day, with no energy physically or mentally. Walking down the stairs, or leaving the house was nearly impossible. He developed anxiety about going out, and depression. He’s been unable to work, and I’ve been the sole income supporting us (he was making a solid 6-figure income, so losing that was an adjustment). It’s been a very slow process to see incremental improvements the past three years, but I would say that in the past few months, it seems like he’s finally back to himself, which is incredible. He started studying this year (some high school prerequisites for a college program) and is starting an IT program in the coming spring since he’s not able to go back to his previous career (there were workplace injuries before he got sick that he still struggles with and he’s just super over it). He’s started working out again. He’s working again too (part-time, minimum wage, but better than nothing!). He’s seeing friends again. He talks about plans for the future again. idk, it’s just a relief. It’s been a tough few years for him, and I never want to complain but it’s been super fucking hard for me too so to be at the end of this chapter is a relief.
I got my first dog of my own last December — a Nova Scotia Duck Toller puppy named Clifford. He is a rocket of non-stop manic energy and raising him has been Full On (he is also My Dog and H doesn’t help — he likes Cliff, but just has no inclination to caring for or training him, which I knew going in). I did so much research and preparation before bringing this puppy home and still felt out of my depth for a lot of it. Mostly he had severe resource guarding issues (very aggressive about high value food/treats around people and dogs; thankfully he’s happy to share toys). I cried over it a lot and it took months to correct. It’s still not like it’s fully gone but it’s well managed — he’s super chill about his food bowl/mealtimes now, and a normal excited-happy with medium-value treats. Anything else that gets him too amped up is banned. It was also a long time before I got any cute puppy snuggles — partly because he just never actually gets tired, and only slept if I enforced a quiet nap time (which only worked if he was alone), and also because he hated being handled (apparently this goes hand in hand with resource guarding) so i had to train my puppy to be cool with me petting/handling/touching him ("cooperative care"). He also had a food allergy that took a little while to figure out. I literally put more effort into raising my puppy than I did my actual job this year. He’s awesome now (still rambunctious, but we have a good routine. He’s also able to snuggle on the couch with me, and snooze while I work).
I wanted Cliff to be my little adventure buddy (the whole purpose of this, since H won't be going on outdoor adventures of my preferred calibre ever again), so I had grand plans for lots of introductory hiking/camping trips with the pup this year. He was about 7 months old when we went on our first hiking trip — we went alone so that I could focus on just teaching him campsite manners and seeing how he did on an easy hike. He was. Amazing. Absolutely thrives in the outdoors. Spectacular tent manners. Does these adorable little alert howls to suspicious things he wants me to be aware of like tree stumps, or unfamiliar bird calls. I love him.
That first spring hiking trip, however, messed up my plans for the rest of the summer: I got a tick bite that turned into lyme disease, and despite treating it fairly early (I spent a while wondering why I was having the Worst Reaction to my covid shot before finding a weird fucking bruise on my hip — surprise, ring rash!), I spent the next 5 months coping with the symptoms. A lot of fatigue, a lot of intense joint pain mostly in my hands and feet to the point where I couldn’t use my hands to grab anything (turn a faucet, put on clothes, pick up a cup or a pen) or walk on the worst days. When the symptoms persisted my doctor tested me for a whole gamut of possible autoimmune disorders that… came back negative (which was like a “yay” but also frustrating because I wanted some kind of treatment for the pain/was scared of living with this constantly). Ultimately I just had to wait for the lyme symptoms to go away. As of now they’re 99.9% gone thank fuck but what a shitty ordeal that was.
Through all that, in late July (while on the antibiotics to treat the lyme and having every possible shitty side effect) my sister and I (and Cliff) went on a 10 day Epic Wilderness Canoe Trip. It was for all intents and purposes, spectacular. Aside from the fact that the antibiotics made me “sun sensitive” to the point where my skin blistered (my sister was wearing a bikini every day, and I was wearing long sleeves and pants and socks on my hands and a towel draped over my head and was still melting my skin off through the layers). We eventually had to adjust to travelling during dawn (4am - 10am) and dusk (after 5pm) because I couldn’t handle any direct sunlight for the intense pain. Oh and there were forest fires that meant we had to change our entire route on the fly. We didn’t see flames at any point, but the smoke turned the sky yellow most days, and we’d wake up at night smelling burning and leave the tent to double check that you know, we were safe (the entire park was shut down about two weeks after our trip because literally everything was on fire). But the park itself was stunning. We went to a very remote area up north, and saw exactly two (2) people over the course of ten days. We covered a lot of distance too — our longest day was 43km (flatwater paddling and portaging carrying a couple hundred pounds of gear meant it took us a solid 12 hours). We’re thinking our next trip will be a little more “chill” (except we always say that and then in the spring go “soooo do you wanna go to Quetico/Woodland Caribou/Wabamiki?”)
Beyond that, my ambitious camping activities were sidelined. I did a weekend car camping trip with a friend (she was struggling with back pain, and my hands were acting up) and we mostly just ate, napped, and played along the lake with cliff (oh and a short easy hiking trail, maybe 4km?). Anything else I booked was cancelled because I wasn’t up to it (I also conveniently broke a toe in August, by stubbing it on a bed frame), or because family things came up (I am mildly resentful of those because I’d much have rather spent the time sitting in the woods than sitting at someone else’s event/activity/social obligation, but alas).
In 2020 I started writing fanfiction as a desperate search for some kind of early-pandemic creative outlet. I saw a prompt on tumblr and thought “I can write that!” and then 40k words later had completed my first fic ever (there was no plan I just spewed out words). Then I actually put some thought into a story, and in 2021 finished an actually (to me) decent story. I’ve started on a third, but might actually finish writing it before posting this time so it’s a little more polished.
Fitness wise, the year was a wash. Between lyme, and pandemic-induced ennui I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around doing nothing. Also been idk hardcore burned out raising a puppy/caring for H/trying to focus on work when at home. I go through short bursts of activity (running, swimming, weights, etc) but two weeks later am out of gas. I think it’ll be easier now that H is trying to get fit again, and able to contribute at least something financially.
Socially I made a half-assed effort to keep in touch with friends but between lockdowns/social distancing/an inordinate number of friends being pregnant and having kids, it wasn’t as much as I’d normally have liked! My friend M and I usually see each other every week or two, and the group chat with a bunch of the squad is still active. Also went down to NC to see H’s mom for the first time in two years, which was nice. She’s lovely and so much calmer than my own mother. Also had the joy and pleasure of meeting a new friend! We met through ao3/tumblr and chat on discord almost daily, and we got to hang out for a few hours while I was in NC which was an absolute treat.
Another friend (irl) has been trying to escape an abusive relationship (she has a kid with the guy, and her parents are actually nuts and tell her to stay with him/won’t support her leaving, and she’s financially dependent on him since he didn’t want her go to school or have a job and just wanted her to be a full time mom). It’s been going on for years, but basically once a month I get a call or text from her saying things are bad. This month it cumulated with a frightening call from her that prompted me to call the police (he was arrested and there’s a restraining order in place now). She’s not out of the woods yet and there’s a lot she still needs to figure out to get back on her feet, but I’m hopeful that this leads to a lasting separation.
Financially it’s been not ideal. When H got sick in 2018, he was still in the US, and when he lost his job was uninsured so we blew through our savings getting ultimately inconclusive/useless tests. We haven’t really recovered since; I can budget and manage everything well enough with just my income but haven’t been able to build savings like I was before. It’s the unexpected big ticket expenses that keep me in the red. A couple thousand in car repairs. A new central AC system for the house. Emergency vet bills for cliff (he ripped his stitches after a hernia repair because he was physically incapable to being chill for 10 days; and another time he ate a ton of grapes off the vine in the yard and I needed to get his stomach pumped). This week both the washer and dryer died, and I’m hunting for used ones on kijiji (less expensive than the parts/repairs). Some smaller things too (bills that were unexpectedly high). All in all, I’m sitting at about $15k in debt and it’s low key stressing me out since I'm historically very debt averse. But H is working to get back on his feet sooner than later, so I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to clear this out (currently I’m looking at having everything paid off in ~3 years, which we can do faster if H can contribute literally anything).
2022 Goals/Anticipated highlights:
brillando’s annual year in review post, and you know, regular old tumblr hijinks that make fandom people go “hmmm”, I thought I would dust this baby off. Year two of a pandemic has come and gone. And while through much of it I felt very stagnant, a lot has happened!
My partner, H, who has been struggling with an undiagnosed chronic illness, is finally finally finally doing incredibly well. It came on very suddenly, back in 2018, and he was spending something like 20+ hours in bed a day, with no energy physically or mentally. Walking down the stairs, or leaving the house was nearly impossible. He developed anxiety about going out, and depression. He’s been unable to work, and I’ve been the sole income supporting us (he was making a solid 6-figure income, so losing that was an adjustment). It’s been a very slow process to see incremental improvements the past three years, but I would say that in the past few months, it seems like he’s finally back to himself, which is incredible. He started studying this year (some high school prerequisites for a college program) and is starting an IT program in the coming spring since he’s not able to go back to his previous career (there were workplace injuries before he got sick that he still struggles with and he’s just super over it). He’s started working out again. He’s working again too (part-time, minimum wage, but better than nothing!). He’s seeing friends again. He talks about plans for the future again. idk, it’s just a relief. It’s been a tough few years for him, and I never want to complain but it’s been super fucking hard for me too so to be at the end of this chapter is a relief.
I got my first dog of my own last December — a Nova Scotia Duck Toller puppy named Clifford. He is a rocket of non-stop manic energy and raising him has been Full On (he is also My Dog and H doesn’t help — he likes Cliff, but just has no inclination to caring for or training him, which I knew going in). I did so much research and preparation before bringing this puppy home and still felt out of my depth for a lot of it. Mostly he had severe resource guarding issues (very aggressive about high value food/treats around people and dogs; thankfully he’s happy to share toys). I cried over it a lot and it took months to correct. It’s still not like it’s fully gone but it’s well managed — he’s super chill about his food bowl/mealtimes now, and a normal excited-happy with medium-value treats. Anything else that gets him too amped up is banned. It was also a long time before I got any cute puppy snuggles — partly because he just never actually gets tired, and only slept if I enforced a quiet nap time (which only worked if he was alone), and also because he hated being handled (apparently this goes hand in hand with resource guarding) so i had to train my puppy to be cool with me petting/handling/touching him ("cooperative care"). He also had a food allergy that took a little while to figure out. I literally put more effort into raising my puppy than I did my actual job this year. He’s awesome now (still rambunctious, but we have a good routine. He’s also able to snuggle on the couch with me, and snooze while I work).
I wanted Cliff to be my little adventure buddy (the whole purpose of this, since H won't be going on outdoor adventures of my preferred calibre ever again), so I had grand plans for lots of introductory hiking/camping trips with the pup this year. He was about 7 months old when we went on our first hiking trip — we went alone so that I could focus on just teaching him campsite manners and seeing how he did on an easy hike. He was. Amazing. Absolutely thrives in the outdoors. Spectacular tent manners. Does these adorable little alert howls to suspicious things he wants me to be aware of like tree stumps, or unfamiliar bird calls. I love him.
That first spring hiking trip, however, messed up my plans for the rest of the summer: I got a tick bite that turned into lyme disease, and despite treating it fairly early (I spent a while wondering why I was having the Worst Reaction to my covid shot before finding a weird fucking bruise on my hip — surprise, ring rash!), I spent the next 5 months coping with the symptoms. A lot of fatigue, a lot of intense joint pain mostly in my hands and feet to the point where I couldn’t use my hands to grab anything (turn a faucet, put on clothes, pick up a cup or a pen) or walk on the worst days. When the symptoms persisted my doctor tested me for a whole gamut of possible autoimmune disorders that… came back negative (which was like a “yay” but also frustrating because I wanted some kind of treatment for the pain/was scared of living with this constantly). Ultimately I just had to wait for the lyme symptoms to go away. As of now they’re 99.9% gone thank fuck but what a shitty ordeal that was.
Through all that, in late July (while on the antibiotics to treat the lyme and having every possible shitty side effect) my sister and I (and Cliff) went on a 10 day Epic Wilderness Canoe Trip. It was for all intents and purposes, spectacular. Aside from the fact that the antibiotics made me “sun sensitive” to the point where my skin blistered (my sister was wearing a bikini every day, and I was wearing long sleeves and pants and socks on my hands and a towel draped over my head and was still melting my skin off through the layers). We eventually had to adjust to travelling during dawn (4am - 10am) and dusk (after 5pm) because I couldn’t handle any direct sunlight for the intense pain. Oh and there were forest fires that meant we had to change our entire route on the fly. We didn’t see flames at any point, but the smoke turned the sky yellow most days, and we’d wake up at night smelling burning and leave the tent to double check that you know, we were safe (the entire park was shut down about two weeks after our trip because literally everything was on fire). But the park itself was stunning. We went to a very remote area up north, and saw exactly two (2) people over the course of ten days. We covered a lot of distance too — our longest day was 43km (flatwater paddling and portaging carrying a couple hundred pounds of gear meant it took us a solid 12 hours). We’re thinking our next trip will be a little more “chill” (except we always say that and then in the spring go “soooo do you wanna go to Quetico/Woodland Caribou/Wabamiki?”)
Beyond that, my ambitious camping activities were sidelined. I did a weekend car camping trip with a friend (she was struggling with back pain, and my hands were acting up) and we mostly just ate, napped, and played along the lake with cliff (oh and a short easy hiking trail, maybe 4km?). Anything else I booked was cancelled because I wasn’t up to it (I also conveniently broke a toe in August, by stubbing it on a bed frame), or because family things came up (I am mildly resentful of those because I’d much have rather spent the time sitting in the woods than sitting at someone else’s event/activity/social obligation, but alas).
In 2020 I started writing fanfiction as a desperate search for some kind of early-pandemic creative outlet. I saw a prompt on tumblr and thought “I can write that!” and then 40k words later had completed my first fic ever (there was no plan I just spewed out words). Then I actually put some thought into a story, and in 2021 finished an actually (to me) decent story. I’ve started on a third, but might actually finish writing it before posting this time so it’s a little more polished.
Fitness wise, the year was a wash. Between lyme, and pandemic-induced ennui I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around doing nothing. Also been idk hardcore burned out raising a puppy/caring for H/trying to focus on work when at home. I go through short bursts of activity (running, swimming, weights, etc) but two weeks later am out of gas. I think it’ll be easier now that H is trying to get fit again, and able to contribute at least something financially.
Socially I made a half-assed effort to keep in touch with friends but between lockdowns/social distancing/an inordinate number of friends being pregnant and having kids, it wasn’t as much as I’d normally have liked! My friend M and I usually see each other every week or two, and the group chat with a bunch of the squad is still active. Also went down to NC to see H’s mom for the first time in two years, which was nice. She’s lovely and so much calmer than my own mother. Also had the joy and pleasure of meeting a new friend! We met through ao3/tumblr and chat on discord almost daily, and we got to hang out for a few hours while I was in NC which was an absolute treat.
Another friend (irl) has been trying to escape an abusive relationship (she has a kid with the guy, and her parents are actually nuts and tell her to stay with him/won’t support her leaving, and she’s financially dependent on him since he didn’t want her go to school or have a job and just wanted her to be a full time mom). It’s been going on for years, but basically once a month I get a call or text from her saying things are bad. This month it cumulated with a frightening call from her that prompted me to call the police (he was arrested and there’s a restraining order in place now). She’s not out of the woods yet and there’s a lot she still needs to figure out to get back on her feet, but I’m hopeful that this leads to a lasting separation.
Financially it’s been not ideal. When H got sick in 2018, he was still in the US, and when he lost his job was uninsured so we blew through our savings getting ultimately inconclusive/useless tests. We haven’t really recovered since; I can budget and manage everything well enough with just my income but haven’t been able to build savings like I was before. It’s the unexpected big ticket expenses that keep me in the red. A couple thousand in car repairs. A new central AC system for the house. Emergency vet bills for cliff (he ripped his stitches after a hernia repair because he was physically incapable to being chill for 10 days; and another time he ate a ton of grapes off the vine in the yard and I needed to get his stomach pumped). This week both the washer and dryer died, and I’m hunting for used ones on kijiji (less expensive than the parts/repairs). Some smaller things too (bills that were unexpectedly high). All in all, I’m sitting at about $15k in debt and it’s low key stressing me out since I'm historically very debt averse. But H is working to get back on his feet sooner than later, so I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to clear this out (currently I’m looking at having everything paid off in ~3 years, which we can do faster if H can contribute literally anything).
2022 Goals/Anticipated highlights:
- I’m going to become an aunt to twins this spring!
- Summer canoe trip with my sister
- Get out of debt? (optimistic timeline, but achievable if H can help)
- Job hunting since I’m mentally over my current gig
- General fitness stuff (just following a running plan and strength training plan)
- Write/post my next fic
- Breath of the Wild 2… maybe?
- Read some good books (there’s a lot on my shelf)